I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Vodka?
Forever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
