i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
