I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
