Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
