he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
