we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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