and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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