Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
