is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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