My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My vagina is very pro this idea
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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