Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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