I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
