im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
