No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
