I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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