yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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