I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
