Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
