i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
