porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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