Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
