It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
