Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
