Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
