Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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