that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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