...so i touched it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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