god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
