I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
