sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
