good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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