i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
