One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
