Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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