I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
