No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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