So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
