Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
