No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
