just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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