Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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