when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
