I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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