Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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