Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
