Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
