Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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