i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
