I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
