Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
