Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im part way to drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
